Hello World

Hello World.

These are familiar words. I’ve written them countless times in the last few years. In a whole array of languages. So why am I scared when I look at them now?

For four years these words lived mainly in a computer. My world was manageable, it consisted primarily of a small college campus in Vermont. It was beautiful. It was full of smart people. It was challenging. But I learned the rhythm. And during those four years I kept dreaming that I would have a fifth year for my education. But this final year wouldn’t be in a classroom, it would be out in the world traveling.

There are lessons I couldn’t learn in a classroom. I can program in a handful of languages, but my language skills with other people are sadly lacking. I was lucky enough to travel growing up, but I have never lived for more than a few weeks in another country. I learned to be persistent, to challenge myself, to ask questions. But have I learned to be independent? To enjoy being alone? To throw myself into a project without a safety net? To be vulnerable in front of strangers? To risk embarrassing myself as I learn to navigate a new set of rules and values? And to get up and do it again as soon as I start to get comfortable?

These are questions that scare me. So, naturally, I applied for funding to throw myself into a situation where I would learn the answers. Where failing wasn’t an option. This year, if I get lonely I will have to learn how to join into a new community. If I’m homesick, I’ll need to make a new place feel like home. If I’m ill, I’ll need to ask for a favor from someone I just met. If I’m lucky, I’ll be inspired by kind and interesting people all over the world.

I always try to convince myself that fear is just excitement waiting for a direction. And my first direction is Northeast.

Ready or not, here I come.